Can i not drive my cunt home
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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