forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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