So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize