Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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