"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
