Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
