I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
