people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.