Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.