Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
