she smelled like a LAN party
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
