She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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