Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
