apparently the secret to your success is patron
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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