Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
