So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
