I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
