so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
