Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
