i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
