when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
