you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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