Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
