i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
