I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize