The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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