FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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