I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
