i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize