I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
