I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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