Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Randomize
