she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
