I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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