I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
