Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
