Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
