Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
