can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
