so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize