Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
