just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
