good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
