She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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