Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
