too bad you live with your parents still
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
