Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
