Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
