im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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