Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
