nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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