She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
