Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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