first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
