i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
