She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
