Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
