checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
