i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
