He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
