Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
